Maybe our partner is there to show us the way.
And they don’t even know it.
We often tell our partner that they should do something, say look for a new job, and 6 weeks later, our partner comes back with an amazing idea and they’re so proud of themselves and yep it’s the one you had. Or they come home from having coffee with a friend and tell you that the friend suggested they take the car in for a service to check that noise out – something you suggested 6 months ago – they now think its an awesome idea so they’re going to do it.
If only they’d listened to you, they’d be so much further ahead.
Its time to recognise that we do the same thing. Seriously we do. The different is we see the thing or hear the thing and then we resist the thing.
Chris’ been telling me for 2 years that ‘Sunday’s are family days, we don’t book anything in that isn’t a family oriented event’ so what did I do – booked in everything on a Sunday because he was just kidding right?
Yep, he was totally kidding – not, and we had many discussions around it in what I call the messy middle. When you go from not doing something to doing something – that’s going from 0 to 100%. What we then need to work through is the messy middle – what’s truly the best balance for our family.
Questions like:
- Can we book birthday parties in?
- What about family events?
- Does that mean we stay home every Sunday?
- What if a girls lunch comes up?
- What about another social event – can I do that?
This is the messy middle – the stuff that comes up that we need to talk through – communication is key and if we miss this bit, that’s when the cranky pants go on, for both sides.
So I practiced it. I didn’t book in anything one Sunday, I was conscious of the decision, I watched what happened, I moved through my day and do you know what – it was literally heaven on earth!
Literally
I blocked out every Sunday afterwards. People would send me invites to things and I said no. I said no to a girls Pilates class, I said no to a girls lunch, I just said ‘thanks but I can’t make it’. On one occasion I said ‘Thanks sounds amazing, however Sunday is family day so I don’t book anything in on Sundays’. HEAVEN!!
I started listening more to Chris, what else was he telling me that I needed to act on or at least consider if it was for me – or should I say for us.
Slowly I started trying things on for size. I chose the things that would add value to my life. I tried adding takeaway back into our life. We added Money Date Night back in and now I’m addicted – actually it keeps me on track doing it weekly. We added Biz Night in where we talk all about where my business is heading and work through the ‘what’s next’ – I’m loving the conversations.
Our life has literally changed in all the good ways, all because I chose to tune in to what was right in front of me rather than laughing it off and moving on (and possibly coming back in 6 months time!).
How can you pay more attention to what your partner is saying? What one thing can you try on for size, saying ‘yeah, thank you that sounds like a great idea, I’m going to try that out’ – watch either a shocked face staring back at you or a loving face that is proud of themselves for having the courage to say it or both. Watch how you grow through this process and watch how your relationship evolves. You’ve got this xo
