Let’s talk about sex baby, let’s talk about you and me…
Such a great song!! I love the beat, I love the way my body just moves to it and I love that its talking about sex.
A taboo topic in my home growing up – it was one of the many ‘things’ that wasn’t talked about. I get it, we were catholic and there were things that didn’t get talked about. Oh wait – it didn’t matter that I was catholic…other families who weren’t catholic or religious didn’t talk about it either hmmm
Another story to re-write!!
Sex didn’t get talked about because no one knew how to talk about it. In fact, no one knew how to because it’s uncomfortable so let’s put that under the rug and get on with making dinner. Much like the period talk – that was icky and uncomfortable and challenging…yep let’s just get a catholic book, some pads and tick you’re done.
So easy right?
Sex has always been something Chris and I have enjoyed together – always. It was fun in the beginning and then the messy middle kicked in and life took over so sex (for me) was put on the back burner. Heck, I hadn’t had much, if any at all, before Chris so I’d had plenty of time not having sex and honestly it wasn’t a huge thing for me.
Him on the other hand – its important. Like super important. When he’s getting sex he’s singing and dancing around the house, when he’s not the washing becomes a priority – oh don’t get me wrong, the washing is always a priority for him and he’s still anal about the peg colours matching but he’s probably singing while he puts the washing out ha ha
So I decided that after my period in August we were going to have 30 days of sex – yep a full 30 days, well 28 to be exact because that’s my cycle, to see what happened, to see how our home flowed and to see if we personally noticed any changes.
Our convo last night:
- ‘We haven’t had sex in a while’
- ‘holy shit, did you not notice that you’ve been sick?’
- ‘yeah, but its been a while and you go through wanting lots and then not wanting any?’
- ‘seriously? Did you not notice how much sex we’ve had in the last month?’
- ‘yeah it was more than we’ve had in a while but we still haven’t had much lately.’
So we had sex last night – ha ha, it was awesome!!
Anyway back to the story…clearly I need to do more work if he thinks he’s not getting enough, I’m not sure what that looks like yet but I’m up for the challenge.
What I can tell you is what I’ve learnt over the last 30ish days. It was really insightful and I’m so grateful that I took the time to put in the effort and then pay attention to what was happening to us personally and also in our lives. I was going to keep a ‘sexdiary’ but I didn’t, however it would have been good to reflect fully on what I thought, did and felt at the time, anyway this is enough for now!!
- Committing to having sexevery night doesn’t mean we actually had sex every night, sometimes we were too tired and that was ok.
- When sex was regular and part of our life, the little touches or comments that implied sex, didn’t mean ‘oh shit, he wants sex again’ in my head – you know the ones!
- There was more play generally, more intimacy
- I surprised him on more than one occasion because he wasn’t expecting it
- The general flow in our home was amazing (still is btw), we could have deeper and more soulful convos, about anything, because we were more connected.
- We talked more about what we liked and didn’t like when having sex – this is key to growing your relationship, particularly with the person you’re in a sexual relationship with.
- Everyone was generally happier!! Go figure J
It was a really eye opening month. I didn’t think things would change this deeply, but they have and I’m liking the shift…is that enough talking about sexfor one post??
BTW some couples have ‘sex months’ you know like ‘Dry July’, they have ‘Sexy September’…how’s yours going?? xo