Losing my COVID Coat

And resetting my life xo

It’s been a big few months right, and fortunately here in Australia we’re starting to come out of restrictions. Personally I’ve loved the slow down, I’ve loved being at home, I’ve loved walking up my hill daily, managing my mind and letting go more.

I’ve also experienced some loss, my body has lost muscle mass and I have what I’m calling my ‘COVID Coat’ perhaps a bit more body fat than I’d like but I’m realistic – life happens and I’m well. I’ve missed out on my daily podcasts and ebooks, these were things I would listen to in my drives around town. I had re-create structure and discipline around my meals – so I didn’t just eat that packet of chips because it was the ‘easy’ option, and sit down to that nightly chocolate because…who needs an excuse to party!

In May, I watched a client and friend dive into Whole 30, it was a challenging regime for him but he was ready. I supported him on his journey – because it’s his and not mine, and he achieve some phenomenal results – and there are more to come as he continues on his path.

I then had a fellow mum come over to visit, who I didn’t really see that often, but I noticed how slim she’d become. She commented on her own weight loss and that due to health issues (that she’s exploring) she’d lost 10kgs, not meaning too but it had happened. What I noticed is how happy, relaxed and how much more fun she was having in her life…that got me thinking.

Now when it comes to me, losing 10kgs doesn’t just happen. I managed to do it last year with diet and exercise (F45), but that took a good (at least) 6 months of disciplined, and possibly crazy, work. I’m more the person that when you tell me I’m going on a diet that I find every reason why not to diet – subconsciously … that is, self-sabotage – sound familiar?

I’m also the kinda person who when you tell me I’m going to cut back on something, I go into stress and panic mode…not knowing where my next meal is coming from so I eat anything that comes my way.

Oh and add in eating for procrastination – that’s a fun one! If I’ve got a document to write…let me go and make a cup of tea. If I’ve got a big email to write that’s uncomfortable and going to force me to grow…I’m sure its afternoon tea time and I better do that first!

I’m also the kind of person who when I decide to do something, I will follow it through to the end. I will give it my all and always show up.

This is all awareness right, and as I tell my clients – it’s just information and I get to choose what I do or don’t do with it. I can let it all go and just live my life or (and this is my norm) I wonder why it’s come into my life. Why have 2 people come into my life in the last month and shown me how healthy they can be?

And then, I was invited into a weight loss program for June – Lose 8 pounds in June (its an American company). Now I know that its not about losing the weight – I 100% know that. I also teach my clients that too – its about the person you become on your journey – weight aside. And it’s the question of:

’Does the habit own you or do you own the habit?’

I said yes to the weight loss program, told Chris I was doing it and dived into the first podcast – that was my first ‘FUCK OFF’ moment.

I was walking my hill and the facilitator of the program said something like:

  • Intermittent fasting – fuck no who wants to starve
  • Eat two times a day – fuck no, I eat 5-6 times a day just to function
  • Commit to 30 days – ok I knew I could do that

This was the day before I was supposed to start. Can you feel my pain?

  • I can’t do this
  • This is ridiculous
  • I won’t be able to function
  • I’ll die
  • Of course I’ll die, its inevitable (despite the fact that people can starve themselves and survive)

That afternoon I ate every piece of chocolate in the house – literally every piece aside from two Freddo Frogs for Teddy, his lunch box treats and there were two days left in the week…agghhh

I woke up the next morning, Chris was away so I go Teddy organised and then got on with my day. My first meal wasn’t to be until lunchtime, so I thought – I can do that, lets see what happens.

I went for my walk up the hill, came back roasted some veggies, weighted myself and took measurements of the major areas – bust, waist, hips, upper thighs. I ate my lunch, and got on with the rest of my day. I watched the afternoon cravings come and go – and yes I used my will power and my commitment to myself to move through that.

I sat down to dinner that night and then because I was tired and Teddy wasn’t settling, I jumped in to bed with him and had a great nights sleep.

Whilst I’m now on Day 9…and yes I’m still doing this I have to tell you about Day 3 – holy hell that was my killer. In the grand scheme of things I couldn’t skip that day but I would have wanted to. I was teary, light headed, my brain was telling me:

  • stop pushing
  • its ok to stop
  • this isn’t for me
  • if you keep going you’re not going to function in the way that you want to etc. etc. etc.

That afternoon, I told Chris I was going to stop, that it wasn’t for me, it was so mis-aligned to what I practice about balance – in mind, body and soul and the big kicker was how do I tell you – my people, the ones that have been following me for 3 years and now I’m doing this – that scared me!! It brought up all the ‘who am I?’ questions, ‘am I a fraud?’, ‘am I a lier?’.

I also told my friend who had done the Whole 30 that I was out. He kindly asked me some questions and in my craze I said nope, this isn’t for me. I know why this hasn’t worked in the past. I know why I said yes to this, but now it was time to let it go.

But I didn’t let go. I just watched all the stories, woke up the next morning and kept going.

I’m Day 9 – keen to get to double figures.

I’m Day 9 – 2.4kgs down

I’m Day 9 – and I have space to think about other things than food, space to create pleasure though deeper reading, going for walks and watching my mind.

I’m Day 9 – and I have one less thing to do, to worry about, to plan for

I’m Day 9 – and my life feels hugely uncomplicated

I’m Day 9 – and I’m exploring the relationship that diet and exercise have played in my life, and just because I used to play hard (netball) it doesn’t mean I have to now – its ok just to walk and do some weights.

I said to my coach this morning (attached to the protocol I’m doing) it’s like I have a beautiful piece of classical music playing in my mind. It’s beautifully balanced, calming and so inspiring that I love to listen to it. 

My food, for now, has ceased being my emotions. It’s no longer my procrastination, my #selflove, my reward. It’s my fuel and now that I’ve zoned in even more, its high quality, soulful and loving. Sounds like a pretty good foundation to me.

Treats still play a part in what I’m doing and I love getting excited to choose something that I’ll really enjoy, and going through the things that I used to eat and now looking at them and saying – ‘perhaps I can find something even more nourishing’!

If you’d like to learn more about what I’m doing, comment below and let’s chat. This is about food I buy from the markets – real food xo

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5 comments

  • Tamara 14 June 2020   Reply →

    Love it. I have at times adhered to 2 meals a day and it worked extremely well for me. Maybe, hopefully reading this will inspire me start eating that way again. My covid coat is absolutely not fun to wear.

    • admin 15 June 2020   Reply →

      Thanks gorgeous, it was definitely time for me to take my COVID coat off and its good to experiment and burst through the stories I’ve been telling myself for years. Good luck to you on your journey and if you need a hand, I’m here. Love Suze xo

      • Tamara 15 June 2020   Reply →

        Thank you 💜💜💜💜

  • Juliet 14 June 2020   Reply →

    oh Suze, you have done something amazing – congratulation on conquering the big F – Food that is hehehe. Love the way you write about it no matter how hard, carry it might be. It its doable and we know it most of the times subconsciously but we doubt ourselves in reality and often we need that little push, support, company of a friend or a coach.
    Thank you for the honesty, inspiration and being with me on my own journey. Go do something brave today, we will cheer you up anyway! Much love, Juliet

    • admin 15 June 2020   Reply →

      Thank you Juliet, I appreciate you taking the time to comment on my post and its my honour to work with you. You’re incredibly inspirational and I look forward to even more fun times with you. Love Suze xo

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