Post natal depression, like most illnesses hides.
It hides in shame, guilt and judgement.
It hides in the smile and ‘I’m ok’.
It hides behind closed doors.
It hides in the thoughts of:
- How did I get here?
- If I’m so smart, why can’t I figure this out?
- I must be dumb, people are laughing at me
- No one cares about me, I might as well not be here
- I can’t let anyone know I can’t cope, they’ll think I’m a bad mother/person/wife
It hides in tears.
It hides in the shower.
It hides with a sharp knife in hand.
It hides in laughter at shit TV shows, that become your life line.
It hides in the darkness of night.
It hides in the darkness of day.
It hides in the sarcasm.
It hides in the wine.
It hides in the pushing.
It hides in the chocolate.
It hides everywhere, in all areas of your life. In your home, your work, your soul time, your physical activity, your food, your friendships, your relationships – everywhere.
It hides because to put light and voice to it means, to you, it will grow – because you’ll break. You’ll be even more broken than you are already.
And people turning up at your door does and doesn’t help.
It makes you do things you don’t want to do, because you just want to be in the dark. Curled up in bed, not talking, not being.
You feel safe in your hiding. I see you and I feel you.
I am a safe place for you to hide.
I can’t fix you – only you can do that and yes you can do that.
But I can hold the space for you to hide. You don’t need to talk, you don’t need to be, you can just curl up in bed and I can just listen to whatever you want to share.
You will be held and safe.
You are loved.
Please note, you can read this any way you want. Are you hiding or is someone in your life hiding? Is it PND or anxiety or overwhelm or extreme independence or autism or ADHD or ADD or an eating disorder or cancer or … find your place to be held and safe, you are loved and we (your community) are here to hold you, whilst you can’t do it for yourself xo
