I hate being woken up.
I love to wake up of my own accord, feeling refreshed or not, but just waking up when my body tells me it’s time to wake up.
I love not having to get out of bed for anything, knowing that I have things on for my day but I get to choose when I actually get out of bed.
My body will often roll out of bed by itself and have me in the shower without me thinking about it.
Water running over my head and down my back – it’s magical.
As I cleanse my skin, exfoliate and cleanse again, shampoo and condition my hair, then scrape my tongue, brush my teeth and soap up.
My morning routine that’s very aligned with me and I love spending time in there just thinking or not thinking.
But the breaks went on after I had Teddy.
I was woken up sooooo much my eyes were hanging out of my head – I know you hear me.
I wondered if I’d ever get a good nights sleep again!
Some mornings I was fast asleep and Chris would wake me to tell me he was heading off to work or going to golf…sometimes this was lovely and sometimes I wanted to shoot him…ha ha
Will I ever get a good nights sleep again? The answer to that is yes, so know that if you’re reading this you will get a good nights sleep again, I just can’t promise you when.
Then there was the shower.
I made it a non-negotiable to shower every day. That and make my bed.
I figured if I’d done nothing else that day, aside from keep two humans alive, I was clean and the bed was made.
But have you ever been in the shower and all you can hear is your crying baby?
This would happen to me all the time.
Teddy would be sleeping soundly or he’d be lying on our bed safe and sound, and as soon as I stepped into the shower I’d hear him crying.
I would stop the shower and get out to a perfectly quiet house – was the crying in my head or did he just stop?
I get back into the shower and the crying starts again…I open the door of the shower and nothing like crying is coming back at me.
Weird.
This was my brain.
This was my brain literally crying at me.
As I look back now I wonder if it was actually my higher self crying at me or was it my ego telling me more false stories.
I had a lot of false stories running through my head, like:
- This is never going to end
- You’ll be stuck like this forever
- You’ll have a crying, pooing, not-sleeping baby forever
- You have to do this all on your own
- There is no way out, talk all you want, but you’re the one left with the crying baby
And yes, I was the one left with the crying baby, when all was said and done, I was there, Teddy was there and I had to figure it out.
Chris couldn’t do it for me, nor could my mum or my family or friends – just me.
So there was some truth, but I knew that if I could figure this out, I could figure anything out – and so can you.
Those crying showers stopped when I told myself:
- ’Teddy’s safe, even if he is crying he’ll be ok for a few minutes, and I can enjoy these few moments to myself’
Those crying showers stopped when I:
- Did what worked for me, no one else, just me.
Those crying showers stopped when I:
- Created boundaries. Said no to the things that didn’t light me up or brought me closer to what I wanted, and started playing around with my yes.
As for sleep, sometimes I get a good nights sleep and sometimes I don’t.
Sometimes I overheat, and can’t get comfortable.
Sometimes I have a podcast interview or client at 6am.
Sometimes I stay up late, even though I’m getting up at 6am for Soul Hour.
Other times I enjoy waking up and seeing Chris or Teddy sleeping next to me.
Other times I enjoy waking up and seeing Chris’ smile, because he’s been up for hours and hasn’t gotten out of bed so as to not disturb me (he still hasn’t worked out I can sleep through a Mac Truck driving over the top of me)
Other times I wake up, roll over and go back to sleep.
And then I get to start my day, with hope and light.
